My first job was being a server in a Mediterranean restaurant downtown. It had amazing food, but it wasn't too great of an experience. People knew I was engaged to be married as I would gaze at my ring and talk all about it during breaks. My coworkers would always try to caution me about marriage. Like, convince me not to go through with it, almost. I remember one guy telling me, "you REALLY don't want to get married."
Why wouldn't I? That's like every kid's dream.
At the time, Zeb and I would talk about how certain people discourage us from getting married, as if marriage is throwing yourself into prison.
But we always thought marriage was the ultimate bliss (?)
Zeb says how he dreamed of being married and having a wife since he was in kindergarten. That's what we imagined. You crush, you date, you get engaged, you get married. It builds up with each one getting better and better!
And here we are (not being married for very long but), without a doubt, we can tell you we were right.
We were best friends for five years before we got married and by year three, we both knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, which is why we started dating. It was long distance for a year, meaning all we could do was talk, so we really got to know each other's hearts on a deep level.
When we first were dating, we were so twitterpated, we always told other people the other person was "perfect." Honestly, it didn't take very long for that statement to die. The next year and a half was amazing, but it sure had its hard moments. So many of them. We found the "flaws" in each other, we found what ticks in each other. We even found reasons to leave each other.
See, Zeb and I were best friends; we had the same heart for God, love of music/ artsy things, and we had fun together. However, there are some major differences between us.
Some that really shook us up were that our families and the ways we were raised are so different.
Completely different.
Also, we expected... way too much of each other.
There were some very heartbroken times for us both, not knowing if we should continue this relationship or just feeling so hurt like "how will it get better again". The devil really tried to get us to rip each other apart.
But in the end, he FAILED. Thanks to Jesus. Seriously, there were a couple powerful things that made everything better.
1. PRAYER - There were many of our loved ones praying for us. I'm not a very good person at concealing my emotions, so when I'm upset, you'd probably know. People could see us hurting. A lack of peace; Tension.
And even though we had some issues, we did still love each other a ton. We tried very hard to pray together every night for our relationship and all our other hopes. Most of the time, we were able to and I don't regret one bit. It helped us get our eyes off ourselves and onto God and the miracles he can do.
2. GRACE. Grace, grace, grace. - It was a new concept for me learning to have grace on someone time after time. I never really had any relationships like that before. But seriously. Having grace on each other can work wonders. Like I said before, we expected too much from each other.
BIG RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: Learn not to expect from one another. Learn not to be easily offended at one another.
Zeb and I also had something that was hard to give up. A PROMISE. - We knew from the bottom of our hearts that we were meant to be. From the start of our dating life we felt the Holy Spirit confirm we were to be married one day. But after all the trouble we were going through, he questioned the timing of our relationship, and I even questioned the relationship itself. Sad times,
But Praise Jesus, he had a miracle in mind for us.
At the time when it seemed there was no patience left in us, God delivered a word in church one Sunday, and that it was a "season of miracles."
The woman who spoke shared stories of various miracles and things she felt the Lord had told her. Next she brought up a big topic she heard God was going to do miracles in: marriages.
We weren't married yet, but everything she said lined up with what we were going through and it was just like Bam! *Beams of hope and promises shining down*. I couldn't keep it together, I was crying like a baby. I knew God wasn't finished with us then. I just knew he had plans for us in his season of miracles.
And from then on things truly got better. It was still a little hard in the begining, but with God and those three things we pressed through: Prayer, grace, and promise.
Please, never underestimate the power of prayer and how one can never give enough grace to their spouse. I can be so mad and frustrated feeling like my spouse doesn't deserve it but that's not what marriage is supposed to look like. Denying grace to one's spouse is EXACTLY what the devil wants. He wanted to destroy our relationship.
And by all means it was still difficult at times, especially because I was wedding planning so much and he was in a time crunch to get his album recorded. Yeah = STRESSUL.
Nevertheless, God wins. Always.
Our relationship became much stronger, more forgiving, more loving, more honoring. We had to go deep and clean out those root issues (which I highly reccomend in struggling relationships). We knew God was behind it all. We were meant to be together! and we were supposed to get married!
It takes work, but ALL things are possible through Christ in his plans for us.
So........(drum roll).... We got married! Finally! and can I tell you it's been incredible?!?!
Like way better than we imagined and basically everything we concerned ourselves about before isn't even an issue anymore.
We just love hanging out as best friends all the time.
People ask us about "surprises" we found out about each other after the Wedding, and were just like, "surprises?" We really knew each other so well that adjustment to marriage was so easy. Were completely comfortable with each other and I think that's great :) It nearly been two months and I can say we get a long better than ever before. Imagine what it will be like decades from now :D
Also, something that I've been learning that makes marriage amazing is when you and your spouse are giving, giving, and giving to each other. Coming down to the other person's level and saying "I'm sorry," even when I'm crazy frustrated. These are practical things that have strengthened our relationship.
.
.
.
.
Is marriage hard? absolutely. In a way, I think were blessed for what we went through. Quite a few people discouraged our union because of our heartbreaks, but it's wonderful when you look at us now! I feel like some married couples have a perfect engagement and when they get married and start to live together these types of things come about. For us, it was mainly before marriage. I find it a blessing in disguise indeed.
All that yucky stuff in between was some major growth and character issues God had to take us through. I'm thankful he did, we would have never learned all this.
Oh, and everything I said in the beginning about marriage being our dream to someday come true, it totally did! and guess what?
it couldn't be more "perfect" :)
No comments:
Post a Comment